I’ve been coming across blog posts in my many feeds painting the “wait a minute” mom as something these writer mamas don’t want to be. There’s no one blogger I’m singling out – there have been a handful of posts in a short amount of time and they got me thinking.
I get what they’re saying. After the eleven thousandth time we’ve told our kids to just give us a sec, hours have passed and we feel pretty terrible about it.
So, I understand not wanting to overuse the hold button. But can we be real for a minute? Sometimes if we stop, we’ll burn dinner. Or the baby will sit in the poopy diaper we were about to change. Or we’ll miss the return call from that medical bill error we’ve been trying to resolve for six months, and we’ll have to call back and burn most of the afternoon on hold, and once we get through the nine-item touchtone menu we’ll have to start at the beginning of the story with “David” whose real name we probably can’t pronounce…
Life doesn’t stop for requests for games of restaurant or parade band. Or, maybe it does for perfect moms with perfect houses and perfectly pinned dinners. For this very real mom, my kids sometimes have to wait for me to get through a phone call with the Davids.
What are we teaching kids if we drop everything, every time they want something?
I don’t want my kids to think that the world will take a break from spinning for them. The adult world certainly doesn’t work that way. They should know that everyone has their responsibilities and priorities, and sometimes we have to exercise patience and self-discipline until it’s our time.
It’s simple impulse control, a basic life skill that needs to be taught. Delayed gratification is so important that psychologists have been measuring it in kids since the 1960s with the famous marshmallow test.
What message are we sending if our kids never have our full attention?
We could spend a few minutes finishing that email completely, or we could stop halfway through and start a game of memory matching while typing the email out on our phone in between turns. Which scenario sends a better message?
Younger children don’t really get the patience thing as well as older children do. My big kids are well into the stage where they can wait, and they do.
I’m certainly not swatting them away every time they ask for something. Most of the time, I can get what they need right away. And when I can’t, they know it won’t be long.
Then, when it’s time to march in the parade, they get every bit of me and my xylophone.
Okay, I want to hear from other moms. Do you feel guilty when your kids have to wait?
A few months shy of two, Frodo wanted to find out what happens when toddlers stop being polite, and start getting…toothy.
Little dude found out alright. Instead of weaning on his own terms, he got a little encouragement from his mama.
I could start teary tippy typing about how emotional it was, and how I’m so sad that this part of his babyhood is over, and maybe I’ll feel all the feels one day. But for now, I’m relieved that it’s over. He was biting, and that’s what’s fresh in my mind. He didn’t bite just sometimes. He bit every time. I’m beginning to think that was nature’s way of showing us the door.
Even though it was mucho unpleasant for me, I didn’t just cut him off suddenly. I wanted to usher us both out of this phase in a loving, gentle way. Here’s how I approached gradual and gentle weaning from breastfeeding.
The first week, I gave him a filling snack before bed and nap, since he depended on pre-sleep feedings to fall asleep. I would let him nurse at our usual times, but instead of letting him go as long as he wanted, I would pop him off a little early while still awake. This allowed him to relax enough to get sleepy, but fall asleep without help. He quickly and willingly started to take in a little more food while awake, and not rely so much on calories from breastmilk.
On the second week I replaced our bedtime nursing session with fingerplay songs. This may not work for everyone, but I knew my little dude would drop everything to snuggle in close for a round of Twinkle Twinkle or Eensy Weensy Spider. Once it became our new sleep cue, I used the songs to usher in naptime as well.
The third week, we eliminated the morning nursing session. We were both reluctant to let this one go. He didn’t want to give up his pre-breakfast, I didn’t want to give up my extra 10 minutes of lounging in bed. In an ideal world, we would have a nice, long morning snuggle to make up for it, but Frodo has something else in mind.
“Mo mo mala,” he demands.
Translation: morning banana. And if I don’t hop to, he cranks the volume and the whole house is up.
Occasionally, he’ll still ask for “molp.” I’ll make a joke of it. “Milk is for babies! Are you a baby or a big boy?”
“Biiiiih boh,” he’ll reply, arms raised high.
I don’t think he’s mad at me 🙂
I have no medical training, so this should not be taken as medical advice. If you are wondering about symptoms, get off the internet and call a qualified physician!
Let’s talk about ticks.
Ugh, my head is itchy just thinking about it. I’m going to go take a shower now.
Okay, I’m back.
Just thinking about ticks gives me the heebie jeebies. But I’ve got to write about them (and compulsively scratch myself all the while) because I’ve learned some things about ticks and Lyme disease that I didn’t know two weeks ago.
We just got the test results back. My little guy has Lyme disease and is on a course of antibiotics for it.
Which means it’s likely there’s a tick somewhere in my house.
**Goes nuclear on house cleaning.**
Scary as it is, I’ve learned that Lyme disease is a little tricky. It’s not as straightforward as, say, a throat culture telling the doc you have strep. It’s more like a set of puzzle pieces coming together and kind of sort of maybe looking like the cover, enough to say, I guess these pieces go into this box…
I took Hoss to the ER on a weekend to get a Lyme test. Early-stage Lyme isn’t an emergency, so I could have waited until the family doctor opened on Monday. But I wanted a doctor to assess the rash while it was still bright red and obvious. The doctor ran through a list of questions and looked at his rash.
“This isn’t consistent with Lyme disease. It would look like a target. Besides, Lyme isn’t endemic to Pennsylvania.”
Source: CDC Lyme Data and Statistics
“He’s allergic to something,” the doctor concluded. He scribbled “contact dermatitis” in his chart and handed me the carbon copy.
I asked for an ELISA and Western Blot anyway, to which he replied, “are you a teacher?”
Obvious subtext: “Hey, I’m the doctor here.”
But preserving some middle-aged man’s fragile ego is of little concern to me when my young son is facing the possibility of debilitating disease. Of course, I couldn’t help but pull the Epidemiologist card. No matter if I’m on extended hiatus, right? I wanted him to order the tests.
I also firmly yet politely requested a prescription for the first few days of antibiotics to start, just in case.
Mama was right this time. Our family doctor extended the course of antibiotics and I’m happy to report he’s now free and clear.
I had read enough about Lyme to know that I wasn’t going to treat this lightly. It’s easy to treat if caught early enough, but it’s easy to miss. Lyme disease has some tricks up its sleeve.
Trick #1. Lyme disease is carried by barely-noticeable ticks. Deer ticks are much smaller and harder to spot than the ones you pull off of your dog. You’re not likely to find them unless you go looking for them – especially the nymphs, only the size of a poppyseed. As soon as a tick is old enough to eat, it’s old enough to have contracted something and pass it onto humans.
(c) David van der Mark – creative commons license via flickr.com/d_vdm This isn’t a full-grown deer tick, but the adult isn’t much larger.
Trick #2. The tests aren’t terribly accurate, especially early on. The tests for Lyme disease are notorious for both false positive and false negative results. Since you or your little one will be getting poked anyway, make sure the doctor orders both an ELISA and Western Blot. Neither are 100% accurate, but two is better than one.
Stay in close communication with your doctor about symptoms, so that you can decide together whether to treat (even if blood tests are negative).
Trick #3. The characteristic lyme disease bullseye rash is not a good indicator. Often, we look for the erythema migrans, the target pattern that is associated with Lyme disease. But it doesn’t show up on everyone, and if you do get the rash, there’s a chance you’ll miss it. For one, the bullseye marks the site of the bite, which could be hiding in hair or in less obvious places on the body. Two, darker complexions may hide it completely. Three, it could have come and gone before you noticed it.
This is what we generally associate with Lyme:
(c)Centers for Disease Control and Prevention via flickr.com/fairfaxcounty. Creative commons license.
We didn’t see the bullseye on Hoss. Instead, he showed circular splotches all over (pictured below), even on the bottom of his foot. He seemed to have a circle around his face, with downward red streaks on his cheeks. So, my guess is the bullseye was covered by his hair. We’ll never know.
(c) Blink Thinkers LLC – all rights reserved. This splotch had just popped up. It later expanded a little, and the middle became very white. These patches differ from the target pattern usually associated with lyme, which are found at the site of the bite.
What sent us to the doctor’s office
Information about symptoms can be found on the CDC website. Of course, call the doctor if you have questions about anything out of the ordinary, Lyme or not.
These were Hoss’ symptoms. Like I said, we caught it early, so he didn’t experience the later-stage symptoms like muscle and joint aches or Bell’s palsy. We will continue to watch for those and other symptoms, in the unlikely event that the medicine didn’t work.
- Hoss had a high fever, 102F at one point, in the middle of June. This is the same kid who will tally maybe one mild cold all winter, so the red flags went up. Some of his friends came down with colds around the same time, which threw us off.
- While he had the fever, he showed some behavior changes. I figured he was grumpy from whatever caused the fever. Still, at the time, I just thought he was coming down with something.
- My energetic little guy was also suddenly wiped out all the time. He asked for sleep on more than one occasion. Normally, he’s our bedtime negotiator, and I think he would go days without sleep if no one put him to bed. So this wasn’t typical behavior.
- He then came down with the rash. The strange circular pattern on top of everything else started to point to Lyme.
Just a simple blood test, and our suspicions were confirmed. Trust your gut, mamas.
Hoss was prescribed a few weeks of antibiotics. We’re not the type of family to take medicine for every little thing, but of course we’ll give antibiotics for a disease that could cause a lifetime of suffering.
Are you at risk for Lyme Disease?
In the United States, Lyme Disease tends to pop up in the eastern part of the country. However, there’s nothing stopping a tick from hopping onto a host and flying across the map. (I haven’t done any research on other countries, but you can find your area’s stats with a simple internet search.)
If you’re in a Lyme hotspot, you may want to use extra caution if you have a pet, if you’ve been playing in tall-grass or wooded areas, or if you’re a constantly-outside family like we are.
Some last thoughts…
- If someone in your household is diagnosed, make sure to keep an eye on the rest. You don’t know where the tick jumped off.
- Get your long-haired dog a short-cut for the summer. Brush and check her often.
- Check your kids thoroughly every night and when they’ve been playing in high grass. Comb through hair, check for ticks hiding in or behind ears, in underarms and in skin folds.
- Remove ticks with tweezers, making sure to get the head out. Other methods (petroleum jelly, burning with a match tip, etc.) cause the tick to panic and regurgitate, pumping disease into the host body.
- I DIDN’T EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE! There’s a lot to know about Lyme disease. If you have questions, talk to your doctor or visit a more informative site than my silly little blog. Like the CDC – they’re legit.