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YOU GUYS.

I just cracked the cake pop mystery.

See, I made cake pops for a gathering. Kind of. I baked the cake-in-a-box, dumped in the pre-made frosting and mashed it all up and rolled the little cake-frosting meatballs…

Cake pops are the pinnacle of all that is healthy, right? Complete with partially hydrogenated this and red dye that. But seriously, a portion is the size of a ping-pong ball. Lighten up. As Sesame Street would say, cake pops are a sometimes food. Just don’t down the whole batch, and you’re fine.

Anyhoo, back to the pre-mixed, pre-made, supposedly idiot-proof process…

I poked holes in a gift box to make a stand for the pops. Pat on the back for this, because I’m not THAT woman. Not crafty, not inventive, not visually creative. I’m the woman who tries to replicate something pretty, then steps back and says, wow, this went a lot better in my head.

So I dunked the tips of my sticks in melted white chocolate chips, then stuck them in the balls and stuck the tray in the freezer. After a while, I took them out to coat them with the white chocolate mixture.

I coated one. Perfect. Two. Okay, the melted chips started getting a little gloopy. Three…the chips are no longer dippable. They’ve seized up to the consistency of stiff pudding, even though they were still on the double boiler. I needed to thin the coating.

Well, white chocolate is white, and milk is white….

After pouring in literally a teeny splash of milk, I created what appeared to be frozen butter. Food chemistry fail.

The next bag of white chocolate chips went into the microwave. They went from a little bit melty to oops there’s a smelly burnt spot on the edge, making the whole bowl taste burnt. And like an crazy person, I repeated this process with 3 more bags of white chocolate chips, only to burn them all the exact same way. Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, right? Me=insane.

At that point, I was out of white chocolate, and dark chocolate would taste terrible on pumpkin spice cake balls. So I moved on to red velvet. All went well until it was time to cover.

The semi-sweet chips melted much better than the white, though still thick. It was around midnight by then, so thick was fine with me. I dipped and stuck them in my homemade stand. One, two, three…six…then number one decided to slide down the stick and split in two. I kept going, then number two pulled the same crap. Then three. I was going one for one at that point. They were too heavy because of the stupid thick chocolate.

I really wish I had a picture of this, but I didn’t want to bring my camera anywhere near the explosion mess I made.

So I ditched the stand and turned them upside down onto the cookie sheet, and stuck the stick into the top. Sprinkles. Walk away.

They looked really stupid. I vowed to never make them again.

I guess I forgot the frustration after a month, so I decided to give it another go. Only this time, get this. I looked up how to properly thin chocolate chips (heavy cream) and white chocolate chips (shortening – but almond bark works better than white chocolate chips, and that also thins well with shortening).

So, I made these beauties.

Okay, I was still too afraid to put a lollipop stick in them and stand them up. So I can’t call them cake pops. But aren’t they just darling anyway?

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