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Some of these celebrity baby names…it seems like they’re playing an eenie-meenie game over an open dictionary. Pilot Inspektor, Sage Moonblood, Alabama Gypsy Rose?

I’m judging, but I’m in no position to. I’m not privy to the thought process that goes into these names, so I have to imagine what that is. My imagination tells me it’s self-serving. But that’s because I don’t know any better.

Baby could have been named after Great-grandma Moonblood for all I know.

We weren’t surprised when we heard that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West gave their child a name that the tabloids would want to paint all over their pages for, like, a whole week.

World, welcome baby North West.

I wonder how much thought went into that. South? Nah, not my favorite region. East? Come on, that’s too polar. West West? Now you’re just talkin’ crazy.

It’s not the strangest baby name I’ve ever heard. I mean, that mom who apparently adores Twitter named her kid Hashtag.

I don’t know how much a child’s name contributes to his psychological health, but you know, just in case, I’m going to name my children as if it does make a difference.

We’ve done this twice before. We narrow down a group of names pretty early on, then test them for months. I mean, we’re thorough.

Want to try out some of the tests we do with your potential baby names? See how it works in these scenarios.

 

Use it as a parent. 

[First name], please pick up your cars.

[First name], come down here right now!

Call out the name so that the neighbors three doors down can hear you.

[First name] [Middle name], you have some explaining to do!

Mommyyyyyy [First name] pulled my hair!

 

Play the name gameHuck, Huck, bo buck, banana fanna…back to the drawing board.

Along the same lines, what kind of rhyming words can you come up with for the name?

 

Shorten the name in every possible way you can. Then combine the full name and the fragments with the middle and last name, or fragments of the middle and last name. Chop, rearrange, repeat.

 

Check initials. Lady A. was almost given a name which would give her the initials L.B.S., which stands for “pounds.”. And what if she turned out to be a chubby kid? The 4th graders would be all over that.

 

Imagine the baby a little older. How will the name will be used a few years down the line?

Would [First name] [Last name] please report to the principal’s office?

Hello, [First name] speaking. May I help you?

You’ve reached [First name] [Last name], please leave your name and number…

We are pleased to introduce our keynote speaker, world-renowned astrophysicist Dr. [First name] [Last name]. (Hey, with these genes, it’s totally possible we’ll produce a world-renowned astrophysicist freak of nature. Totally possible.)

[Full name], will you marry me?

 

I think we have Nugget’s first name locked down, but we’ll have to narrow down the middle names so that we can run them through the battery. Still, every elementary school comes equipped with the creative little bullies who will make something up that we couldn’t predict in a million years.

 

 

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